On the House

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Free, genuinely useful branding advice. Served on the house. No email gate, no catch, no "book a call to unlock."
Just tips you can use before lunch.

Your brand voice isn't invented. It's uncovered.

The dinner party test.

If your brand were a person at a dinner party, would anyone talk to it? Read your website out loud. If it sounds like a press release, it's sitting alone at the end of the table.

Write like you speak (then tidy up).

Voice memo your answer to "so, what do you do?" Transcribe it. That messy, human version is closer to your brand voice than anything you've workshopped.

Pick three words, then ban three.

Choose three words your brand IS (warm, cheeky, sharp) and three it's NOT (corporate, salesy, stiff). Check every caption against both lists. The NOT list does most of the work.

Your competitors = your best editors.

Read five competitor bios. Highlight every phrase you could copy-paste into yours without anyone noticing. Now never use those phrases again.

Beige words to bin.

"Passionate about…"	Show it. Passion in a bio is a claim; passion in your work is proof.
"We pride ourselves on…"	Nobody's ever believed this sentence.
"Customer-first approach"	Everyone says it. Show what you actually do differently.
"Innovative"	Describe the thing. If it's innovative, we'll notice.
"Your one-stop shop"	Name your three best things and own them.

Rule of thumb: if your biggest competitor could post it word for word, it's beige. Bin it.

The beige-o-meter

Is your copy beige?

Paste your bio, a caption, an "about" blurb, whatever. We'll flag the beige. No copy leaves your browser, this all runs on your screen.

The scroll is brutal. Here's how to survive it.

The first line is the whole job.

Nobody taps "more" out of politeness. Lead with a statement, a number, or a tiny bit of trouble. "We rebranded a bakery" is a caption. "This bakery was losing customers to a worse bakery" is a hook.

One post, one point.

If your caption needs three "alsos," it's three posts. Cutting an idea doesn't waste it. It buys you next week's content.

Statements beat questions.

"Struggling with your brand voice?" scrolls past. "Your brand voice is doing more work than your logo" stops thumbs. Open with confidence, not a survey.

Read it in your competitor's voice.

If the caption works just as well with their logo on it, it isn't yours yet. Add the detail, the opinion, or the joke only you would make.

Premium isn't a budget. It's a set of habits.

Pick two fonts and stay loyal.

One for headings, one for everything else. The fastest way to look homemade is a different font on every post.

White space is a flex.

Cramming every corner says "please look at all of this." Breathing room says "we know which part matters." Cheap fills space; premium leaves it.

Shrink your logo.

Counterintuitive, but true: confident brands use small logos. If the work is unmistakably yours, the logo doesn't need to shout.

Three colours, used the same way, every time.

A palette isn't the colours you own. It's the pattern people learn. Same background, same accent, same text colour. Repetition is what reads as "professional."

Align to something.

Left edge, centre line, grid. Pick one and commit. Elements floating "roughly there" are the visual version of a typo.

Fifteen minutes, real difference. Pick one:

Rewrite your Instagram bio.

Answer: who you help, what changes for them, and one line of personality. In that order.

Delete "Welcome to my page."

From anywhere it appears. They're already here.

Check your last nine posts as a grid.

Would a stranger know they're from the same brand?

Google your business.

Whatever shows first, is that the first impression you'd choose?

Ask your favourite client to describe you in one sentence.

That sentence is marketing gold. Use their words, not yours.